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Why so Negative? by BTen1gma Why so Negative? :iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 1
The Ballad of My Stepfather
Every now and than the slideshow of memories flashes against my will
every horrifying scene intensifying my anger and the hate
and though he is long gone the stench of his viral essence lingers
how I vomit in disgust of his grin and luster
I try hard as I must to keep that cellar door shunned and locked
but the beating of his ravaging hearts continues, signaling his being
calling upon all the bruises and cries that I try to repress
only to realize that the heart beneath is not his, but mine
for the decade of distain has crept its way into my very soul
With all the experiences, memories and nature that becomes me
I would rip myself apart at the seams
bleeding, crushing, ravaging the parts he helped to create
for I rather be half the person I was than having anything related to him
Him, It, Louis Toth how I curse your name in vain
that even the vial leviathan would shutter at the speak of it
your very being I despise to the core
every cell, organ, soul and thought
grind your teeth in ang
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 0
Cheers for the Zero's
How did it all came crashing down in thunder
is she karma running me over in my own headlights
scorching me with your cold touch and silent whisper
my body already riddled with tears of ex-lovers
want to forget the memories of you
all the feelings written down in sketch
Im missing all the timing, missing the opputunity
missing all the timing
where I cant take the steps to get ahead
baby, your the pain that stains
and my colliding runaway train
the cause of ripping hearts and the fallin lain
sowing the seeds where the soul grows with bane
your temptress eyes got me stunned in quiet awe
funny though the heat of your body has my heart in mid thaw
that glare and your siren lips got me bind
tied to tragic youth and half filled lies
have to fly away from you  and trade in my broken wings
rather walk blind and hear the doves sings
than be seduced by the sight and sounds
of my femme fatale  
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 0
The Dark Room
I go into a very dark place
where there are no doors and windows
the only windows you see are my eyes
all black with no sense of purity, as my soul grows taint
with angusit and blood for the hated and mistrust
where I smile with the wicked of demons
and play deviant games with devils
and where I desire the courtships of all the longhaird
tortured banshees who crackle scream decending the stairs
there in this room lies the knife of dried blood
of all ive stabbed in the minds eye and the heart of loved ones
where the raven picks at the dead
and the crow flys them to their reversed resting place
how gleaming are their tombstones in this moonlight
in flight with all the dead leaves with its brothers below it
as I shake hands with the reaper, and stares into his hood, void
like my spirit of well being, and the concious rip torted
all the wails and screams of the ones Ive laid afallen
dont make me flinch or squemish, instead I sit in glee
in this dark corner of this black devodent room
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 3 1
call number 5,no pick up loser
accidents happens and find me tripped over your heart
blood on my shirt and smiles on my sleeve
can't you let me leave before this stays a stain
cause its all the same when i fell for you,
cant you see I dont wanna lose,
these waiting games and signals a blazing
just take me by the hand and i'll take you by the waist
why does it seem that your lips get bigger when your breathing so hard on me
funny how life spits on you, cant wipe it off like glue
she stings and she soars, this symphony roars
all your silent scream and sudden urges
wont win her heart but make you a hopless fool
drop the phone, she's home, but her heart has no room for you
all those words and attitude, lies upon lies
you know me and you talk to much
cant you see I just want to be close
and let the hands and smiles converse
these roads are so mindless and music my direction
I just want to let go of you
but this phone attached, cant distached
here i am calling for you, pick up and tell me to fuck off
funny how life spits
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 1 6
Your Pink Suicide Note
Here is your lovely suicide note, its cold to the touch
your ghosts and your whispers still linger here
with the touch of teardrop vapours souring the air
how is it u feel with such poison in those lips
kiss me
its check out time and your late for your funeral
leave that pink slip here, your fired from life
you'll feel the burn when you freefall to hell, baby u will
that pink suicide note, still rests unreadiy with the stains of your blood
was saving your wrists to much to ask
all those times i asked, ask for your presence
will u respond when your juss an apparition in my cold sleep
give me excuses, i love to hear them, cause your lying bitch
thru your teeth you are, so smile like you mean it
cause your toothless grin, makes me smirk
church bells are ringing, and the reaper aint waiting
flaunt around one last time in these last dances, watch the mourners fainitng
cause your face is reflecting in this shiny scythe, dripping in your blood
so maybe I should have stayed, and tried to be wi
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 1 3
A forgotten wish, on Christmas
Guess I'm done writing all these words
Written all I have and little left I can say
All those silent times, where those voices spoke
and all their loud chatter drove me to write about how I felt
penciling each letter, driven so fast and still stuck with brakes on
I want to express myself a bit further, leave the words as footprints
only to drift somewhere else, like smoke in the wind
these fingers cant pull off inspiring words and meaningful metaphors
record down all those moments my mind can no longer fill
but here I am, with the cold air rushing in, my fingers numb
and my mind steaming out thoughts, scolding my eyes
staring at this screen, and recording this all down, before it escapes......................
such a dream of serendipity that day leading to now
who would have known all those childish what if's could happen on all days like this
I have to be dumb and foolish and dive into this
there isn't a moment to spare, and I will find these frigid waters to your shores
I just want t
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 1 2
That and This before
So many scenes of the sweet and simple
the all to familiar hand made cards and pizza dinner plans
all so planned, so played out, this heart worned down
do you expect me to go further now
you want me to be a stone strong for you, sand for you everywhere
overplayed, over abused, and under minded
can't you say I love you in a more unique way
make it so new and unheard of that even in the most silent
whisper in hell's more roaring fire, I still hear it
as clear as water, and more defining than wedding bells
Don't need puppy love
cause I dont want to be played
Don't need infatuated love
cause I want you to lust for my mind too
Take back your plutonic love
cause what I radiates me to the core
please just don't give me that kiss
when you know you can't take it back
if our lips would part, might as well part the seas again
because once its again all my feelings flood in again
and I'll be there left to drown, choking on myself
love me for what I am and how I stand in your world
for I am that an
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 1 1
Want to fall near you
All the soft and loving words of a pouring heart
Trying to fill you full of my whimsical self
All the slight slurs and awkward silences
Me paddling against this river of doubt,
Please throw me a lifesaver, and respond to me
Before I go over this fall, with all my heart drained in my own drought
This long conversation going for so long
The seconds seems like minutes, and each word a poem
Trying to romance you, flirt you, tell you I want you
That I dare say I fell for you
I don't know why I did, but since we started
My parachute filled with rocks, falling faster now
You say that you aren't worth my time
Well I would stop the universe and freeze its hands
Time would stand still
All in this October setting, with leaves in mid flight
You are worth my time, you make my days past
And those lonely hours fly
I don't want to go searching for another rose
You might say that you're a thorn
Well I would prick myself till I bleed you red
So red that you become the most beautiful rose in fall
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 2 6
Family cell Breakdown
A slam of a door, cracks like a freight train running through midnight skies
screams, yells, and screeches echo into far corners of the darkened corridors
I feel a sense of discomfort, one I unfortunately am use to
the twisting of my stomach, the dryness in my throat and the pure pain of heart and head
multiply as fast as cells reproduce
but the family cell here isn't reproducing, no its self destructing
imploding and exploding a 1000 times over with the combined heat and hate
contained in hell's kitchen
sonic booms of objects flying like across the room like missiles
and the resulting tears and sores that would be fallout from a critical hit
the scene of family blood spilled not in the breaking of veins
but in the breaking of the ties that use to bind them
like a suspension bridge with its wires cut, twisting and turning in the violent winds
that whisper and scream hate filled words from the depths of one's soul
the scene is to hurrying and once again the sense of discomfort overwhelm
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 3
Ring Tone
How many times have I set idley by
thinking of my one regret
too many to bother...
Remincing the old days
dust and cobwebs all over these memories
could lose everything but I could at least say
I had you
not anymore
I know you're still out there, somewhere
want to reach out but the fear of awkwardness
consumes me
Just pick up the phone, press the dial
get it over with
Breathe slow, palms sweat, fingers twitch
Its ringing...
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 9
I am
I am, your knight in shining armour
I am, the shoulder to lean on
I am, the tissue you dry your tears with
I am, the cheapest psychologist
I am, your last hope
I am, always there when you need me
your defense and feelings as strong as tissue paper
mind so innocent, world to harsh
I can't always be there
I am, your first phone call
I am, the need to your wants
I am, the solver
I am, everything you ever wanted but in a different package
I am, the unsung hero
I am, the missing man
your defenses as strong as tissue paper
mind so innocent, world to harsh
I can't always be there
I am, here waiting
I am, here to pick you up if you fall
I am, here to carry you the rest of the way...
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 1 6
Suite 1502 Shadow
Who am I trying to fool?
fooling myself into believing I am different
or just different from these fools believing my every lie?
want to meet someone who sees how pathetic I am, love me for it
The halls so empty, my brain even emptier
who am I trying to fool, I'm not smart, book smart anyways
Need a companion, a partner in crime, a friend to replace my shadow
a broken mirror image of myself
Life must have a spare trump card in mind
and drop it on my hand for good use, cash that in now
the people you meet are unexpected, planned, and part of serendipity
the person I met, all of the above
Two sides of a coin, whichever I am, can't be sure
ying and yang, dark to light, no grey in between
I'm not fooling anyone now
No fools to rush in
My better half and my worst quarter
this friend, much like my shadow stays there
he is real, or as real as reality would allow it
benefitting each other, no contract deals signed in blood tho
in a sense almost a blood brother, can't fool the difference betwee
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 0
Suite 1502 - Old, New, Me
My palms are sweating, my eyes are twitching
I can't sit still, my skin so un nerving
pain in my cheat and fear in the head
demons and ghosts engulfing my thoughts
I need my sedative
Slammed into their gas chamber (auditorium), listen to propaganda
obey bitches, because you're in our world now
bar code to my forehead now, I'm a number now that's new
palms sweat again, my eyes are twitching
can't see what's ahead, maybe I don't want to see
Follow, be followed, single file and march
barked orders from the high power
rather just stomp their teeth in, be easy as walking on flowers
I'm a person, number, an un-molded piece of clay
Be something myself or follow the social norm
To early to tell what I want to become
Just want to make sure I am new to someone
never let them know my old pathetic self
fake a story, tell white lies, and keep those monkeys clapping
cause my sneering grin grows bigger
So this is my new territory, I'll take it and make a new empire
crush the old under the treads, of
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 3
Dust Settles, Inhale
A day after my Armageddon
angels cried and demons bled.
Heaven is a bit redder, Hell drops in degrees
Earth is shattered, home non existent, rat race ended,
human race I mean; we are all friggin rats, disease.
Trying to find something to feed off, live on of.
Can't start propaganda, cant shoot to kill,
can't disagree to cause a fight.
no more wires left, no buttons to blow shit up
The silent screams, the dried cries, the unbroken veins of soldiers (families).
Crawling to walk, walking to run, and running nowhere,
in circles we all go.
Disappointments are a failure, succeed to expect them
smile on a slap, laugh at a punch, and puke on a dis heartened kiss.
Acid lips I feel, taste delicious
Work to live, live to work, and beg to get laid.
Time goes to zero. Zero hour now, death knocking.
Making his last stop, flip a coin heaven and hell.
Life lived, if life embodied a figure, kick it in the privates.
coin flies, lies on it side, damn snake eyes, no that's another game...
So coin lands on
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 1 0
Lay the gun, pick up the blade
I stand to protect, protect who (me)
others around me can die in gunfire, Scream bitches
you (friend) my ally stare right into me, you cant see my soul
keep staring, ignore the dagger and I'll stab you in front
cause cowards only stab from behind
Giving myself to help others all this time
becoming some prostitute of care, don't even get a tip
Only gettings STD's in return, fuckers
All the time giving and recieving
Screw my efforts of giving, Im not Santa Claus
All my efforts go lost, like dumbass sailors lost as sea
use a fucking compass or the stars to guide you
but I have no purpose anymore
the compass is a piece of shit with no arrows
and the stars have grown blacker than my heart
Where ever Im going, only me to watch out for
not gonna shoot from a distance at my problems (not a pussy)
Take out my blade and charge head first, screaming
Stab,Slice, and disect the problems that itch in my mind
I'll drown my problems in blood, my blood if I have to
:iconbten1gma:BTen1gma 0 2

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Current Residence: Canada
Favourite genre of music: Rock, alternative, emo
Operating System: Windows XP
Shell of choice: HUH?!
Wallpaper of choice: doesnt matter I change it enuff times
Favourite cartoon character: Peter Griffin, Stewie, and Brian
Personal Quote: Don`t regret about yesterday, live for today, look foward to tomorrow
from the title, im stuck listening to that song by weezer, since it fits my situation with a girl these days, so far the progress has halted to a standstill and i dont know what to do, besides that i have other stuff going on im life, be nice if i got a signal or direction to look forward to with her, so i wouldnt have to sit on my hands, w/e sit and wait it is


Add a Comment:
Shulleoghedd Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2008
Thanks for the fav! ^^
i-rock-your-pants Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2005
thanks for the :+fav:
TheGreyDaisy Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005   Photographer
thanks for the :+fav:
BTen1gma Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
your welcome
Aiae Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
Thanks for the :+fav:!
BTen1gma Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
its no problem, your welcome
solita Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
well...its not my job

n i express without thinkin before ..

i jus feel to do it dat way.

but .. wat do u mean by job?
BTen1gma Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
i meant nothing by it, bad choice of words(wrong expression) , never good with words anyways, have a good day
solita Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
dat was a very cute comment from u :heart:
BTen1gma Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2005
Heh, never meant to be cute, I think thats your job in your pictures, but never the less, thank you
Add a Comment: